that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
