you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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