you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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