i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
