Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
