I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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