Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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