GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
