We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
