Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
