Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
