turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
