She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
