what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
