found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
