i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
