I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
