what day is it and did you see me today?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
