Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
