Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
