JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
