I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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