Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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