wat bout pragnant strippers??
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
