if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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