We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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