I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
