At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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