I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
