worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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