she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
