I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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