i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
