Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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