is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
