I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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