Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
