my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
