Someone shit on the floor
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
