I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
