that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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