I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
