i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
