You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
