Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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