I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
