I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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