Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
