This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
