just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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