whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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