I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
