I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do herpes really smell.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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