I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
