Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
