I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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