Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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