Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she woke up with a sticky ear
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dicks are not precious.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
