Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
