Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
