I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
