you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
