Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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