dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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