Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
