I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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