We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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